Dear Margar-etiquette,

What is the deal these days with opening doors for others? Is it still the man’s obligation to open and hold doors for women? Asking for a friend…really, it’s for my mother who is working with my pre-teen son on common courtesies.

Dear Reader,

Thank you for this excellent question! While common courtesies may not seem as common today, they remain an essential part of showing kindness and respect.

The traditional expectation that men must always open doors for women has evolved. Modern values like gender equality and shared responsibilities mean that opening or holding doors isn’t about obligation—it’s about courtesy, regardless of gender. It’s simply polite for anyone to open or hold a door for someone else.

So, what should Grandma teach your son? She should encourage him to be thoughtful, kind, and considerate, focusing on actions that reflect his character rather than societal expectations tied to gender. He should open doors (and perform other courtesies) because he wants to be a kind and respectful person, not because he feels it’s required of him as a male.

A final note: Some people may not always acknowledge such acts of kindness, which can feel discouraging. However, encourage him to continue being kind for its own sake—it sets a great example. And for those on the receiving end, a simple “thank you” goes a long way in keeping these courtesies alive.

Warm regards,
Margar-etiquette