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Dear Mark,
I’m the mom of a high school junior and honestly I’m kinda freaking out about this whole college thing. None of this was so complicated when I was growing up!
My daughter Sarah is pretty smart (way smarter than I was at her age!) and she’s talking about studying biology, maybe becoming a doctor someday which would be amazing. But when we started looking at colleges online, I felt totally lost. There’s so many options and they all cost a fortune! Some of her friends parents are talking about “reach schools” and “safety schools” and campus visits across the country.
I want Sarah to have better opportunities than I did, but I don’t really know what makes a good college fit. Should we just be looking at the ones with the best biology programs? Or the cheapest ones? Or the ones closest to home? Her guidance counselor gave us some information but it’s was mostly about application deadlines and essays.
How do families like us figure out where our kids should go? I don’t want her making a mistake that leaves her with a ton of debt and no job, but I also don’t want to hold her back because I’m scared of the unknown.
Thanks for any advice you can give.
Signed,
Just a Mom Trying Her Best
Dear Mom Trying Her Best,
You’re facing one of parenting’s great balancing acts—supporting your child’s college journey without taking over the steering wheel. It’s a delicate dance many parents struggle with, so give yourself credit for recognizing the complexity.
When building a college list, think beyond the glossy brochures. Your daughter’s biology interest provides a starting point, but the right college is where academics, social life, personal growth, and practical considerations all intersect harmoniously.
Consider these factors:
Academic environment: Does your daughter thrive in discussion-based classes or prefer lectures? Does she need close professor relationships (think small liberal arts colleges) or would she flourish with diverse course options at a larger university? For biology specifically, look at undergraduate research opportunities—will she be in the lab freshman year or watching graduate students from afar?
Geography and setting: Campus location shapes daily life profoundly. Urban campuses offer internships and cultural experiences but can feel overwhelming. Rural settings provide community but might feel limiting after a while. The weather matters too—four years of harsh winters feel different from sunny California days. And, there’s no doubt staying in-state could save on many fronts.
Financial reality: The most beautiful match on paper becomes painful if it creates crushing debt. Look beyond sticker prices to understand true costs after scholarships. Remember that prestigious graduate schools often care more about undergraduate performance than the name on the diploma.
Campus culture: Every school has its own personality. Some celebrate intellectual debate while others emphasize practical career preparation. Some buzz with political activism while others focus on athletics. Help your daughter identify environments where she’ll feel both comfortable and appropriately challenged.
Size and scale: At smaller schools, she’ll never be anonymous; at larger ones, she’ll find more specialized clubs and resources. Neither is inherently better—it’s about her personal preference.
The best approach? Visit campuses when possible. Eat in the dining halls. Sit in on classes. Let your daughter talk with current students without you hovering nearby. Watch how she responds to different environments—her instincts about where she belongs are often remarkably accurate. And when it’s not possible to visit in person, many colleges offer virtual tours that are pretty good alternatives.
Throughout this process, ask thoughtful questions rather than making declarations. “What did you like about that campus tour?” reveals more than “Wasn’t that library impressive?” Create space for her to discover her own priorities rather than inheriting yours.
Remember that college fit isn’t about prestige—it’s about finding the place where your daughter will learn, grow, and prepare for her future. The “best” school is the one where she’ll thrive, not necessarily the one with the highest ranking.
Wishing you both clarity and enjoyment in this significant journey,
Warmly,
Mark
Mark Cruver is the Founder of Capstone Educational Consultants in Peachtree City, GA. With over 20 years of combined experience in higher education admissions and independent practice, providing individualized college, career, and essay advising, Mark has assisted hundreds of students and families with their college admissions decisions as one of only six Certified Educational Planners in Georgia.
For more information, email Mark at [email protected]—he can help!
As one who started off in a state school and took time off to earn tuition money before getting accepted at my dream university, I agree with Fiction. Keep your eyes on the academic prize: gaining in-demand job skills that someone is willing to pay you for.
A second word of advice is to very carefully look into what the author calls campus culture. There are excellent schools that are also cesspools of woke intolerance, with an administration that allows anti-semitism, building takeovers and flag-burning, yet censors conservative thought.
Too many teens head off to college as eager and smart students, but graduate with multiple piercings, green hair and a Multicultural Social Justice Interpretive Dance degree, then wonder why they can’t get a job to pay off their student loans.
I agree with Penny that one should learn marketable skills in college. However, sometimes these skills are learning to thing critically, not an instant trade license. As far as campus culture, I advise seeking a wide range of opinions and interactions with peoples of all ethnicities, shapes, sizes, etc. Don’t limit yourself in your youth; the realities of life will limit you plenty as you age.
The professor with many crazy ideas will make you think far more than will the buttoned down business teacher. Explore alternative ideas and avenues, and come home at Thanksgiving with at least one hairbrained opinion. The pendulum will swing back after graduation. And for god’s sake, take some civics and history classes so you won’t be seduced to vote for a con man!
These are excellent suggestions.
There is nothing wrong with beginning at a more economical state school and transferring after you get the core courses to another school. English 101 will not be significantly better at a $50,000 a year college than at a junior college.
No one will ever asked you where you completed your freshman year, only from where you graduated.