Dear Margar-etiquette,

I have recently rejoined the dating scene after many decades of marriage. Are there guidelines around who should pay for the date these days? My mom taught me that the man always pays, but I don’t want to expect that if today’s woman has a different expectation.

Back in the Dating Game

Dear Back in the Dating Game,

Welcome back! It takes courage to reenter the dating scene, and it’s wonderful that you’re doing so with thoughtfulness and curiosity front of mind. 

The question of who pays on a date has evolved quite a bit since your mother’s advice, but the key principle today is mutual respect and clear communication. While some people still prefer traditional roles—such as the man paying—many others embrace a more flexible approach where the person who did the asking offers to pay, or where both parties agree to split the bill.

On a first date, it’s considerate for the person who extended the invitation to be prepared to cover the cost. Still, it’s also perfectly acceptable, and often appreciated, for the other person to offer to contribute or pick up the tab next time. The most important part is to discuss it graciously and without awkwardness.

If you’re unsure, a simple, “How would you like to handle the check?” opens the door to an honest and easygoing exchange. That way, both people feel comfortable and appreciated, regardless of who reaches for the bill.

Wishing you confidence, kindness, and fun along the way!

Warmly,

Margar-etiquette

#LITA (Love Is The Answer)