Years ago, your compiler heard a snippet of the Neal Boortz Show one day on WSB as the host was discussing the word “Ma’am.”  Your compiler wishes he had caught the entire discussion so he could have known more about its context, but the little he did hear was Boortz stating he believed “Ma’am” to be an abbreviation for “Madam,” with the “d” left out.  The fellow was absolutely right – that’s exactly where it comes from.

    In the South, even today, well-bred children say this to adult females, and even adults in their sixties and older say it to much older women.   “Yes, ma’am.  I can do that for you,” is one example of its usage.  “No, ma’am, I don’t think we have any of that,” is another.   “Thank you, ma’am” is a respectful phrase of gratitude, and “Ma’am” alone, usually with an interrogatory tone in voice, is an adequate response if an adult female calls to a child, as in a mother calling to her ten-year-old son, “John?”   She just wants John to answer, perhaps just to know he is in earshot.   A perfectly acceptable answer for John to give is, “Ma’am?”    It’s a sign of respect that is still quite evident in your compiler’s part of the world, thank goodness, although that is not the case everywhere.

     During a 2003 family visit to New England, your compiler encountered a Provincetown bakery-keeper who was obviously closer to his mother’s age than to his own.  She asked a question as he, his wife and sons were stepping out of her shop.  Wife and sons did not hear the question and stepped completely outside, but being last, your compiler heard a little, and stepped back in and said what most well-bred Southern men would say to a much older female in such a situation, “Ma’am?”

    “WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME??????” she roared, suddenly apoplectic enough that your compiler feared she might vault over the counter and come after him for a neck-wringing.

    “I said, ‘Ma’am,’ which means simply that I did not understand what you asked.”

     “That’s offensive up here!  Don’t you dare call me ‘ma’am.’  What I asked was whether you’d be on the Cape next week, for we’re having a big sale.”

     Your compiler considered his reply for half a second; his family was heading home that Saturday and would not be present for the sale.   But of course all that is way too much to say, so he simply replied, “No, ma’am,” with as straight a face as possible and beat a hasty retreat before she could come after him with her rolling pin.  Yankees, I swannee!

     “Sir” is used in the same ways, but of course only with men.  We train our children this way from the time they are learning to talk until the time they leave the nest, and we expect it forevermore.   Your compiler once had a conversation with his then-21-year-old son, Niel, that went something like this:

Your compiler, calling upstairs:   “Niel?”

Niel:  “What?”

Your compiler: “It’s ‘sir,’ boy, and don’t think you can stop using it just because you’re twenty-one.”

Niel:  “Yes, sir.”

Then your compiler and his son got on with their conversation.

     While your compiler is quite pleased to hear a remarkable number of today’s kids still saying “ma’am” and “sir” (including his own grandchildren, the two sons of Niel, who at 34 and as a dad thinks it’s much more important than he did at as a 21-year-old), no one seems to use the time-honored shortcuts to those courtesies anymore.  Folks your compiler’s age and older still use them when talking to our elders, but his fear is the shortcuts will one day be gone.   The shortcuts he is referring to are “yessir” and “nosir,” both of which are said quite quickly, as if each was a single word, and “yessum” and “nome.”  

     The first two seem quite obvious and should require no further explanation.  The last two may, though, and a quick pretend conversation from the past should well illustrate both usages:

Mama (who died in November 2024 at age 85)”  “Dan, are you ready for supper?”

Dan (your compiler):  “Yessum!  I’m always ready to eat?

Mama:  “Have you washed your hands?”

Dan:  “Nome, but I’ll do that right now.”

Succinct, polite, and altogether Southern.  What more could one want?